


how to be something you miss

by plinys



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Episode Tag, F/F, Fix-It
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-20
Updated: 2018-03-20
Packaged: 2019-04-04 23:34:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14031303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/plinys/pseuds/plinys
Summary: “And I’ve never been this happy in my life.”“But this doesn't look happy.”(A fix-it episode tag for "Necromancing the Stone")





	how to be something you miss

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, that last scene was too much angst, so uh, I fixed that.

“And I’ve never been this happy in my life.”

“But this doesn't look happy.”

This isn’t what she wanted.

This is the exact opposite of what she wanted.

She had this whole thing planned out, conversations that she’d rehearsed over and over again in her head. She’d gone over her doubts hours before. Finally felt sure of herself, and she was ready to tell Sara all of that.

Ready to be her girlfriend.

A word that had seemed so silly and childish when she had heard it hours before.

Now it was a word she yearned to hear. 

A word she needed to hear.

“Look I don't deserve you-”

“Yes, Sara you do,” Ava insists, because she has to. 

Because if there was anyone that didn’t deserve this it was Ava, because she was messy and awkward and too insecure to ever make a good partner. And she knew that. She was well aware of her flaws, but Sara had chosen to ignore them. Had pushed all of those thoughts out of Ava’s head. Had kissed her like her life depended on it.

Had made Ava believe that she really could be loved. 

Only now… Now she was saying words that felt more painful than any battle wound she’d ever gotten before. 

This was worse.

Ten times worse.

“No, Ava, I dont,” Sara insists, somehow not realizing or not caring, that each word was tearing Ava apart more and more. “You deserve better, you deserve so much better... And I care about you but I’m not gonna do this - I won’t-”

“Sara-”

“I’m sorry,” there’s a sense of finality to Sara’s tone.

As if that was it.

As if that was meant to be the end of things.

As if she expected Ava to just accept this.

And Ava...

Her heart feels like it’s breaking, probably because it is. 

This is worse than thinking Sara was lost to Mallus forever, worse than the possibility of her having been dead on the ground, worse than any of that because this was… This was Sara alive and well in front of her, saying that she didn’t want her.

Normally when relationships had gone south it was Ava’s fault. Too much of a workaholic, too busy, too awkward, too full of self doubt  - and the one time she had let herself fall fully. The one time she had let herself believe that she was truly and genuinely loved, pushing everything else behind, it ended up here. 

Just hours before they’d been laying in bed together, and Sara had called her  _ her girlfriend  _ and Ava had wanted that. She still wants that. More than anything. 

She still wants that.

Except, Sara is telling her that she loved her too much to be with her.

Ava can feel the tears burning at the edges of her eyes, can feel the overwhelming tightness in her chest, just when she thought that she had no more tears left to shed. 

She needs to leave. 

To walk away. 

To compartmentalize. 

To go back to the Bureau and try to still do her job even though she felt a bit like she was falling apart. 

But she can’t. She can’t bring herself to take that step. Not when it might meaning losing Sara forever, after she just got her back. 

“No,” she says. “No, I refuse to accept that.”

“What?”

There’s genuine shock in Sara’s voice, because apparently she had been expecting Ava to take that step to leave without looking back. As if she possibly could.

She can’t lose this.

She won’t lose this. 

“No,” Ava says again. “I’m not giving up on us just because Mallus got in your head.”

Sara bristles in front of her. Arms crossing across her chest. A defensive position. Closed off, holding herself together, but at least she’s listening to her. At least, she’s looking at Ava, and that had to count for something. 

“I’m damaged-”

“You’re not!” 

She hates those words, hated them when Constantine had said them earlier, hates hearing them from Sara’s lips even more. Ava was supposed to be the one full of doubt, not Sara, not wonderful and fearless Sara Lance, Captain of the Waverider. 

Everything Ava had been warned against before, and everything she wanted now. 

“I am,” Sara insists, stubbornly.

“Fine, fine, so what if you are,” Ava says, hearing her own voice break. The tears that had been burning at her eyes falling freely now. “I don’t care. I choose you, knowing all of that, I choose you because I don’t care. Our pasts don’t matter, not when our future is still there, open and ready for us to build it together. Me and you, we’re supposed to be…” She can’t say it, can’t say the one word that’s been stuck in her head on repeat all morning. “You said this is the happiest you’ve ever been, and I want that, I want to be happy. I don’t want to lose you. Please-” She can’t finish the sentence. Can’t stop the sob that spills out from her. “I won’t- I can’t lose you, please, don’t take the one good thing I have left from me, please, Sara - I love you and I can’t - ”

She doesn’t get a chance to finish her sentence.

Doesn’t get a chance to because there’s lips soft against hers.

Lips that she thought she’d never get the chance to kiss again. 

Sara.

Kissing her.

Holding tight onto her, as if she was afraid of losing her. Ava moves, instantly holding onto Sara, holding her there, because a moment before she had been slipping through Ava’s fingers. A moment ago she had been certain that she had lost her forever, but now… Now she was kissing Sara, and even though there were tears on both of their cheeks. Even though, Ava’s heart still felt a little tight. Still felt a little unsure that any of this was real.

Sara was kissing her.

Which meant that Sara wasn’t pushing her away.

Which meant maybe there was still a chance for the happiness Ava had felt hours ago to return. 

Ava clings to that. To that hope. Waits as her heart remembers to beat again. Waits until the tightness in her chest loses just a bit. Then slowly, she lets herself pull away. Breaks the kiss even though that’s the last thing she wants to do.

She wants to stay kissing Sara forever. Stay in this smallest of happy moments for the rest of her life.

But they need to talk about this. Ava needs to know that she’s not losing this. That this kiss has meant something other than other last goodbye.

Her eyes are still wet with tears when she pulls back, and Sara doesn’t look much better, eyes red and sad, but she’s not looking away. She’s still there, barely inches from Ava, not pulling away. 

There’s a shake to Sara’s voice when she asks, “You love me?”

She’s crying again. She can’t help it. 

“Yes, how could I not?”

“I -” Sara doesn’t answer her. Just says, with a hint of desperation to her voice, “Say it again.”

“I love you,” Ava says. “I love you. I love you. I love-”

Sara kisses her again, soft, just barely there, a ghost of a kiss.

But this… This is the happiest Ava has ever been.

Especially, when Sara rocks back a second later, and says, the four words that Ava had been needing to hear more than anything else, “I love you too.”

 


End file.
